I HATE Christmas!

That's right! I am a Grinch! I don't hate the original meaning of Christmas I hate what it has become! I hate that Christmas has been made into a pissing contest about who can give the biggest and best gift. Oh sure, there are those who are all about the lovey dovey, feeling of wanting to help those less fortunate. All year long people, someone, could be suffering and those "well-minded folk" couldn't care two beans about you BUT the Season of Giving rolls around and suddenly the oh so genuine feelings flow...for about three months or so. Then December 26th happens, the day that starts to kill that wonderful spirit of giving and kind feelings and do-gooding! Nowhere near here anyway, are people holding hands and singing even though they have to go without. If what happened to the Whos down in Whoville happened to the people here in the good ol US of A, people would be crying and be upset and a bunch of other people would swoop in to Save Christmas...because there can't possibly be a Christmas without expensive gifts and monetary obligations.
You know what I want? I want that holiday empathy to last the whole year long so if a person happens to be in need or simply want say on April 23rd, the help, the love, the genuineness would be there. Genuine hugs and good feelings. Sweet, fun family gatherings, THESE are a few of my favorite things. That's what I really want for Christmas. I want to feel okay about not having the biggest and best, because HEY! guess what?! We can't afford it! We shouldn't be made to feel bad or lame because everybody else seems to have those extremely nice things or made to feel bad because we can't get things that go with those fancy expensive items for people who already have those things.

Why can't Christmas be simple anymore? Why is Christmas not like all those sweet movies we love to watch around this time of year?  Even Charlie Brown got to see the people around him eventually come together and show their love.

All you need is...

I guess you could say I am having one of those days except it's been lingering for a little over a week. My evening was capped off by having to make a VERY difficult decision that I am not in the least bit happy about, in fact it makes me very sad so much so that I think I'm going to cry right now...

I'm not better but I am more composed, now, thank you.

I feel very left out and alienated, and granted, I did a lot of that to myself but when it is circumstantial reasons for being left out it makes me quite upset. I feel there is no other option but to be left out but I don't want to be. I want to be able to have the freedom to say "yes" to every request. I want to feel the peace family usually brings. But I feel alone and isolated and I don't know how to not be that way. I think of the funny SNL skit with Bob Newhart as a therapist where a woman comes in and tells him her problems and his answer to everything is "STOP IT!!" I want more than anything to stop it but there are things holding me back that I can't seem to break free from. I'm stuck. I'm sinking.