To Be Found Peculiar Among the Peculiar People: A convert's story continues...

The Search Continues...

As I begin to think about this post, I remember my near lifelong quest to find religion. I am struck by two main thoughts: One is how young I was when I felt the need to go on my personal religious quest, and Two, how I never once thought there could be no religion, no God. When I was about 15 years old, I talked to my best friend about my search. She blankly and truthfully brought up something I never considered. What if, when we die, there's nothing...just dirt and worms and nothing...

I thought about this concept for a while until I understood what I was thinking and feeling. I felt that this idea was wrong. It didn't make sense to my soul. I just knew something had to be out there, someone waiting for me, to return and report.

My search had several stops and starts. I would either hit a wall or land in a comfortable place before I was mature enough to keep looking. By "mature" I mean, to not give up just because things became difficult or I became lax.

After being told once again I did not belong in yet another faith, I grew distraught. I gave up on Christianity because I thought the reason I was pushed out was because I was in the wrong main faith altogether! I studied Islam where rituals were comforting and familiar. I studied Buddhism of many sorts and found it beautiful and fulfilling. I stayed within the more Eastern religions for a few years. During that time I found myself, somewhat. I found some self-made limitations and learn to conquer most of them. I learned how to be and stay calm. In many ways I found forgiveness that went deeper than I had learned in the past. But I still had the yearning to find exactly where I belonged or a place where everything made sense.

I was at a forum where I heard a great Buddhist leader speaking. It was a chance of a lifetime! One of his main focuses is to bring people of ALL faiths together and show us how we are alike. To bring a sense of community for all mankind. In his opening remarks he acknowledged several faiths by validating each of their religious leaders. One of the last ones he mentioned caught me by surprise. He stated that he knew that Jesus was the Christ.

I heard nothing else. I got up and had to leave (discretely). My whole existence was thrown off! And now I had to start at square one...again!