Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Start of a New Day

I sometimes live my life by words of affirmation; either ones I have read or ones I come up with myself. My current philosophy is not to live by constantly "picking up the pieces". I find it both simpler and more difficult to just redefine myself. Instead of constantly trying to find the broken parts of me and figuring out how to put them back together, I am taking what is left after the pieces fall and molding a newer, better (hopefully) person. I'm still me, but my goal is to grow after being in "the refiner's fire". A sort of phoenix rising out of the ashes if you will. And that leads me to my new adventure!

I was planning on keeping it to myself and Ben (you know, in case I fail) but that doesn't feel like the right thing to do at this time...at least not with this.

I have decided to finally go back to school and finish what I started. Except this time I have a plan, an objective, a goal. I know I have to start at the beginning essentially, but that's okay. My family has always said I would be a good teacher and that's what I intend on doing. I have had secret desires to teach for a while now and with the past couple of year's events and with much planning, I believe this is what has been set in front of me to complete. Several things have fallen into place to make this happen and I hope they continue to do so.

I am finally beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel! I know that I/we are not even close to the end of our ongoing trials, but rather I see the light of hope that our burdens are starting to lighten and doors are slowly opening. There aren't any definite things as far as Ben and his health are concerned, BUT there is opportunity where there was none before! To me, this is more than exciting, it's uplifting! For a while, hope was a four-letter word for me. Now, it feels like something I can hold on to and not be afraid.

Please send well-wishes to me and my family as we all try this new path to recovery in its many forms. We're gonna need it!