Thursday, May 29, 2014

No Pictures, No Frills, Just Struggles and a Cry for Help

Don't ya just HATE it when you're trying to lose weight and get healthy, so you look up online on ways how to do just that; and people are complaining and saying the EXACT same stuff you do, then you click on the link only to read how upset people are at being SO overweight when their version of "overweight" is somewhere around 35 pounds?!?!

Don't get me wrong; I am totally with ya on the weight loss bandwagon and I completely understand the frustration you have when trying to lose ANY weight no matter what your size. BUT when I'm looking for similar gripe stories/solutions to MY weight-loss problem, it all pales in comparison...especially when you need to lose about 100 to 110 pounds to be on the level.

 Thankfully I have several kind and caring friends who are involved in various health programs. The problem lies in the monetary aspect and long-term effects for me. The money is the first STOP sign I get when searching what is right for me on my personal weight-loss journey but the real clincher are the long-term effects. Problem here is that my body is so completely different than anybody elses (truly, I have been told this time and time again by SEVERAL health professionals, trainers, consultants, you name it) that "long-term" just doesn't apply.

What I'm looking for is something that isn't going to make me buy in before I try the theory. I am literally tapped out from trying everything from group therapies (i.e. Weight Watchers) to one-on-one (i.e personal trainers), to meal replacements (ah, just insert any and nearly all of the ones you have ever heard of and a sprinkle of the ones you haven't).

The other, and really the MAIN issue is, I need something that WORKS for someone so utterly messed up hormonally, physically, and mentally as I am! Seriously folks! I have been actually tested by real Doctors that say I have SO MUCH cortisol (the "stress" hormone) in my body that they believe there is NO WAY I will ever successfully lose weight!


And yet, I still try! How can I not?! Especially when my body hurts, oh HECK my soul hurts from carrying all this weight?!

It has been suggested that I find a motivator that will jump-start my desire. I HAVE desire but I have NO motivator! And believe me I have heard it all. From death to life in agony, from exceeding joy to eternal happiness, yet nothing works in my messed up little head.

Now, I am just tired. Tired of all the work, pain, suffering, ups and downs. I'm tired of trying and failing...every...single...time. ALL of me is tired.

But I still try. Why? Because I'm hoping I will find the answer, the thing that clicks for me and my weird round body. But I'm losing motivation much quicker this time...and I guess...I need help. But I don't know where to get it.

If you offer assistance, please don't be offended if I tell you that yes, indeed I have tried your absolutely-will-not-fail-method-that-works-for-every-body-especially-mine. And in turn I will do my best to simply accept with a genuine heart.