Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Brave Girls Club Helps

Have you ever heard of the Brave Girls Club? It's a website dedicated to uplifting and edifying women who need an extra push to get through life, really. I had a friend mention it to me a while ago and I have to tell you, receiving those encouraging little emails has helped tremendously!

I haven't been able to rely on a whole lot of people mainly because I don't know what I need (except for something no one else can give). Brave Girls Club already knows what I need before I even know so when I see it, it makes me cry (in a good way). I cry because I see that someone really does understand even if they are only on the Internet and not in "real life".

Most of you know I have been through a lot. I know I can be a drama queen sometimes but honestly the things I have gone through and continue to go through are not made up in my head. These are not things I can easily overcome. These life events are HOLY COW, OMG events that blow the minds of other people who are not involved but don't seem to phase the ones that are.

In comes my virtual home at the Brave Girls Club. I don't know who they are and I doubt I will ever get the privilege of ever meeting them face-to-face but they are the "family" that understands me. They are the mother I don't have. Sometimes the advice is not always relevant but I know it is given with love and so I try to pass it on to others I think might be needing it.

I'm not getting paid or anything from these wonderful ladies trying to make a difference. I'm just trying to let them know how much I appreciate them and hope to pass along their wisdom and love to others in need. Thank you BGC...

Thursday, January 26, 2012

I Know Why the Caged Monkey Screams

I used to think that people who put their loved ones in care homes and never or rarely visited were jerks!

I used to volunteer at one and did so for many years. I started many programs including an Adopt-A-Grandparent Program especially for those poor souls who were dumped there and seemingly never thought of again.

Well, now I know why some were there with little to no family to visit them. At least now I can understand some of the reasoning behind it.

It's difficult if you've had a rough upbringing yet still tried to make a go of it, finally getting to a point you can possibly live with only to find out you were wrong.

There happens to be a legitimate reason why things could not, would not, and should not work out between you and your aging loved one. So, you distance yourself for safety and sanity's sake at nearly the same time this particular loved one's health is starting to deteriorate. You're torn, filled with mixed emotions on what to do and how to act. You're scorned by family members (and some friends) that both don't understand and don't know the whole story. Worst of all, they never will and you end up looking like the biggest jerk of all time! Even letting others know you have made your peace and you feel this best for you and your little family, the rest of the big family considers you a heel and continues to swear you off as the overly-emotional-while-simultaneously-being-devoid-of-feelings individual they have come to know and label you as.

While in the background, your aforementioned ailing loved one is moaning for attention which no one gives heed to (and no one openly admits to it but you) hasn't for a long time, if ever.

Being stuck between a rock and the family makes me scream more often then I'd like to admit. But for my part, I'd rather choose the rock.   

Monday, January 23, 2012

*THE* Dress

I have this dress. The problem is, the dress never fit me very well but it was still nice enough to wear on my wedding day. No, it's not my wedding dress (I didn't arrive in my wedding dress). No, it was this dress...
like my socks? ;)
So, this is the recent pic because I just don't think there were a whole lot of me wearing this dress on the wedding day. As you can see, it doesn't fit too well...
If you see here, there is the annoying side zipper. You know, the one that says, "If you can't even reach around to zip it up you shouldn't put this over your head." Well...

My goal, my long term goal is to be able to fit into this dress, nicely by my anniversary in late August. My intention is to take a monthly pic of me in the dress in hopes of seeing results. What do you think? Can I do this? I sure hope so!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Weight on Me

Three years ago I looked like this...
I was almost 9 months pregnant and weighed 244 pounds.

A little less than 2 years ago I looked like this...
I was NOT pregnant and I weighed 287 pounds.

This was the heaviest I have ever been! I remember getting close to the 200 pound mark and asking my roommates to shoot me if I crossed over. 5 years later I passed that mark without even knowing. BUT I've been making progress! Today I made it to the weight I was when I found out I was pregnant with my son...238 pounds. For me that's HUGE, no pun intended. That's 49 pounds!

I don't have a terribly current picture but this was taken in December...
Comparing these pictures along with the support from friends has been a tremendous help to me. I'm on my weigh down. (pun intended) :)

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

On The GAIN Train!

I let my weight build on my body like a runaway train these past few years. I can give you LOTS of good excuses why and how (and let me tell, they are good excuses) but those don't melt the pounds off. I know losing weight is so cliche for the New Year BUT I've been working at this for a little over a year now. Of course, when I say "a little over a year" I mean November 2010 I started to try and lose some weight with little success. And when I say "I've been working at this" what I really mean is my body got really, really mad at me late May 2011 about all the fat I was putting into it and started to retaliate in the form of PAIN...and lots of it!

Sooo..I've been losing weight since May/June 2011 because I couldn't eat too much without great amounts of pain and now I have a goal.
Meet my goal...at least for the next few weeks. This is a little train roller coaster at our local John's Incredible Pizza Place which my son (the little guy in the photo) LOVES to ride on. This last trip he wanted to ride on the train with his aunt and grandma...and me. I am not pictured here because I can't fit on this ride. As sad and pathetic as that may sound what was even sadder was my little son begging for ME to ride with him and not anyone else...but I could not. After that, I tried to not stand there in a depressed stupor the rest of the time we were there. I put aside my feelings of woe and was able to come up with this goal: to be able to comfortably sit in this ride in time for my son's birthday party in the middle of February. I'm doing well but I still need a little support. If I knew there were some people out there that wanted me to succeed I think I could actually achieve this goal and others a lot easier. I won't be just a taker either because if YOU need someone there on the sidelines rooting for your success, I would be right there...with bells on and everything! Any takers? :)