Saturday, September 13, 2014

Trial By Fire...Again!

Trial by fire. This seems to be the only way to teach me. I nearly always learn "the Hard Way".

So much the same, just with different actors playing the same parts--only better. Except me. I'm still playing the same part with little variation.
What am I doing wrong?  What do I have to learn that I didn't before/

I sit here, I lay there...with a man that is my husband, but not. He can't talk like we usually do, not yet. I can't hear his compliments on my new hairstyle or how good I've been doing at my newest venture. No simple chatting about our day or commenting on our favorite TV show.
I just sit here, lay there watching him breathe, counting the breaths, shaking him when it's been too long between them.
He's awake long enough to tell me he hurts, he's nauseous, and that he loves me...and he's sorry. Then he sleeps again.

All of this mingled with train sets and cartoons, pizza and sandwiches, crying and praying.

But what am I supposed to learn?
All pieces to a puzzle. I'm not sure what it's supposed to look like yet. I was never very good at puzzles. I could never see the big picture and how all those pieces were to come together to create the picture on the box.

I feel lost, confused...

I recognize and acknowledge the blessings now that were not then, but I miss him. I miss us.

So please Pray for Ben on Wednesday, September 17th, 2014 at 7pm YOUR time. However you pray or commune with a higher power, please do so for this synchronized session of prayer. We're praying for a miracle!