Friday, December 30, 2011

Shine a Little Light

I don't like resolutions because they seem doomed to fail at the get-go. I don't like that New Year's day for many is this life-altering event that makes all of the previous years' experiences null and void because you "start fresh". To me, New Year's day is just another day ending in "Y". There is nothing special about, no magic. It doesn't come with an automatic change-everything-to-something-new button. It',BUT I do believe in changing for the better but if you're going to change why not start RIGHT NOW? Why do you have to wait until a specific day? "I want to go on a diet/start exercising/volunteering/whatever so I'm going to start that on Monday!" WHAT?!?! What's wrong with right now? If you want to change something do it now, don't let the momentum burn off over the weekend!

Change also doesn't have to be mind-blowing and huge, you can start out small and work your way toward your ultimate goal (unless you are trying to quit smoking, drugs, alcohol then cold turkey is the only way to me...)

I'm a ready for a change. I'm ready to start being a better person. To stop being so angry and to let things go like I used to be able to. I know I am never going to be able to change the past and it looks like no one else is volunteering to either, but it's going to be a long hard road. I've been angry (i.e. hurt, embarrassed, scared) for so long that I have forgotten how not to be that way. So, I have been listening to people give motivational talks and picking out little quotes that mean something to me and running with it.

People in my life love to use the phrase "Endure to the End". I hate it. I hate the thought of "enduring" sounds painful and not what I want to do. Someone else had the same view and tweaked the thought a bit to "Enjoying to the End". I know it's just one little word but I'm big on semantics and Enjoying is something I can strive for.

Another idea I am adopting for my change is something like "through small and simple things are great things accomplished"...or something like that. I'm taking it as baby steps. I don't have to take the full leap and be disappointed if I don't make it to the other side. If I have to climb down into the ravine and climb up to the other side, as long as I get there that's what matters.

My last one is a little more scriptural, "...arise and shine forth." Meaning get up and live to your full potential. Stop sitting around waiting for something to happen...MAKE things happen. People used to say I had a light about me that attracted people to me like moths to a flame. They don't say that anymore, but I would like to have it back and I know my family would like it back as well.

There are several steps I am taking to achieve my ultimate goal which is love. I made a life-altering (for the better) change almost 15 years ago simply on the basis of finding love in all its forms. In truth, over the past few years I have lost that lovin' feeling and I want it back and then some.

I'm ready for a change...who's with me?

Monday, December 12, 2011

Everyday is Saturday...

Whenever I think about my tasks I have set out for myself for the day, I ask myself,"What day is it?" Often, I ask myself this several times a day. I look around the quiet streets of my neighborhood searching for clues on what day it is. More often than not I come to the conclusion that today is indeed Saturday....and more often than not I am wrong. Like today for instance. I was driving home from grocery shopping and purchasing my final Christmas gift for the season (WOO HOO!) I looked around my neighborhood, I looked at the time on the clock in the car and on my phone (like that would help) and thought the day was the start of the weekend. Of course today is actually Monday, a day that is most hated above others and not Saturday the complete opposite.

"Why," you may ask, might I think everyday is Saturday? It is because I do not have a regular 9-5 (or 6-3 which is most like the people I know) type of job. My husband is home on disability and has been since his health issues began (see any post from Arizona on). My days are monotonous and meaningless more often than not. Of course, I have my adorable growing-into-his-own son of mine that mixes things up a bit each day, but other than that my life is like having Mac n' Cheese everyday with an occasional hot dog chunk thrown in if I'm good.

Anybody else feel this way or is it just me? ...Probably just me....

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Give a Blythe a cookie...

This is me. I have wants and needs and desires just like any other normal human being out there, but I just can't seem to break one teensie weensie, very BAD habit. I want MORE and I can never be satisfied with what I already have! I can list off all the very nice aspects of my life but I always have to end with the caveat "but". I have a husband and son who love me and I love them...but...I don't have the family connections I desperately want outside my "own little world". I don't have all the children I would want and time is running out for me. I can go on and on but I shouldn't.

And speaking of that wonderful husband of mine...if you read further back in my blog you will learn that he had a minor battle with cancer nearly three years ago and a major battle with necrotizing fasciitis...BUT even after "winning" said battles (as much as one can win after being chewed up by bacteria and fried from chemo and radiation) I want more! Not more out of my husband, he already does more than his fair share, but more for him. He has lost so much of himself in many ways and his health has been in a limbo state since his job loss and subsequent health care loss almost two years ago. So, he is alive and at home and close to fully functioning...BUT...I want him back to the way he was. I want his health to be better. I want an end, a close to this chapter in our lives so I can try an move on to the next life trial set in our path.

One more and then I swear I'm done...

We have this small but amazing in a hundred different ways house that I'm telling ya we wouldn't be able to keep if it weren't for the miracle and blessing of tithing....BUT...with all those amazing hundred different things comes a hundred or so more things that need to be changed or fixed. I have so many projects in the making (please tell me I'm not the only one). I have three bedrooms but one is dedicated to all the projects we started but haven't quite finished yet. I'm trying not to be ungrateful because there have been some huge projects started and nearly finished by the helping hands of friends that would have been beyond our means if they had not come to our aid.

This past couple of months I have been bombarded with great advice on how to be more grateful for what I have and not to take for granted for all that I have been given. I am trying to live in the present and experience the "now" hasn't been easy. I still feel like I'm going at this alone. BUT I am listening and putting to practice the counsel I have been given and maybe someday I won't ask for a glass of milk after I've been given a cookie, I will just simply say "thank you" and be satisfied. One can hope. :)

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Letter to know who you are...

I do not anymore STUFF (from you). It does not make me happy, it doesn't make me like, it doesn't make me love you. For me, love is spelled T-I-M-E. You blew through your opportunities to show your love. You took our relationship for granted. You gave excuses, not answers.

I'm having to break ingrained habits bestowed from you so I don't pass them on to my children. I understand the hope to give the gift of joy you have through gift giving but gifts only bring momentary happiness and not everlasting joy. I'm not sure how to completely undo all the damage done so, for now I will simply stop. Stop with the stuff, stop with the things, stop with the meaningless gifts meant to substitute for love. For my children, I will give them more meaningful time, more undivided attention and just play and be. And when they say they need me to be there for them, I will know how to do that and give them what they need: true love.

This Christmas I really don't want stuff. I know it's a little late to make such a statement but starting from the New Year and beyond. As nice as it is to receive things, the money spent on them could be put to better use like food, bills, clothes. When I am in dire straits I feel best when my basic needs are met (see Maslow's Hierarchy). What I really want is to know I am loved and liked. That I am worth your time and energy. Time to hang out, chat in real life, commune. I need and want the lonely feeling I have to go away. I need and want your time (aka love).

Thursday, November 10, 2011

I HATE Christmas!

That's right! I am a Grinch! I don't hate the original meaning of Christmas I hate what it has become! I hate that Christmas has been made into a pissing contest about who can give the biggest and best gift. Oh sure, there are those who are all about the lovey dovey, feeling of wanting to help those less fortunate. All year long people, someone, could be suffering and those "well-minded folk" couldn't care two beans about you BUT the Season of Giving rolls around and suddenly the oh so genuine feelings flow...for about three months or so. Then December 26th happens, the day that starts to kill that wonderful spirit of giving and kind feelings and do-gooding! Nowhere near here anyway, are people holding hands and singing even though they have to go without. If what happened to the Whos down in Whoville happened to the people here in the good ol US of A, people would be crying and be upset and a bunch of other people would swoop in to Save Christmas...because there can't possibly be a Christmas without expensive gifts and monetary obligations.
You know what I want? I want that holiday empathy to last the whole year long so if a person happens to be in need or simply want say on April 23rd, the help, the love, the genuineness would be there. Genuine hugs and good feelings. Sweet, fun family gatherings, THESE are a few of my favorite things. That's what I really want for Christmas. I want to feel okay about not having the biggest and best, because HEY! guess what?! We can't afford it! We shouldn't be made to feel bad or lame because everybody else seems to have those extremely nice things or made to feel bad because we can't get things that go with those fancy expensive items for people who already have those things.

Why can't Christmas be simple anymore? Why is Christmas not like all those sweet movies we love to watch around this time of year?  Even Charlie Brown got to see the people around him eventually come together and show their love.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

All you need is...

I guess you could say I am having one of those days except it's been lingering for a little over a week. My evening was capped off by having to make a VERY difficult decision that I am not in the least bit happy about, in fact it makes me very sad so much so that I think I'm going to cry right now...

I'm not better but I am more composed, now, thank you.

I feel very left out and alienated, and granted, I did a lot of that to myself but when it is circumstantial reasons for being left out it makes me quite upset. I feel there is no other option but to be left out but I don't want to be. I want to be able to have the freedom to say "yes" to every request. I want to feel the peace family usually brings. But I feel alone and isolated and I don't know how to not be that way. I think of the funny SNL skit with Bob Newhart as a therapist where a woman comes in and tells him her problems and his answer to everything is "STOP IT!!" I want more than anything to stop it but there are things holding me back that I can't seem to break free from. I'm stuck. I'm sinking.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Slowing Down

I'm losing momentum guys! I am a little over half way done with my degree and it's getting more and more difficult for me to continue on. I've had a few rough times, personally, and I think that has really slowed me down. I don't feel like doing it anymore. I have a goal and I want to move passed all of this, but I just don't think I have it in me. I don't know what to do...

Sunday, September 25, 2011



     You wouldn't know it if you have read my blog, but I used to be a fairly happy person. This has been sort of an unfair representation of me since I started this blog in the middle of turmoil. But, maybe it is the true me. I have not been without major trauma for very long. That may sound melodramatic but it's true. I had a rough life as a youth, some things my fault some not. Through it all I was able to find some kind of balance...except for these past few years.
     I have come to realize my weaknesses and faults. I have also have come to terms with them and acknowledged what and maybe even why they are, and I'm okay with that. Being okay with not being perfect has been a lifelong journey for me. I once read that perfectionism is the highest form of self-abuse. I believe that but I don't practice it.

    I believe part of finding my balance is coming to the understanding that's it's okay to have weaknesses and faults. It's okay to be angry, hurt, embarrassed, because it's normal, EVERYBODY feels that way sometimes. I have never let it be okay to feel anything but happy and that in turn has made me a very angry person. Ironic isn't it? The one thing I strive to be is the one thing I haven't been able to achieve. I realized I cannot be happy and angry at the same time because good and bad cannot exist at the same time. One is there to recognize the other.

     I am not at optimum balance as of yet, but I can finally feel the right path under my feet. I can feel and not just see the light at the end of my dark, emotional tunnel. I know I will have other trials and episodes that will test my fortitude and I know that I will probably show weakness during those times. But it's okay, it's normal. I finally give myself permission to feel those feelings and acknowledge that they are there. I'm finally ready to move on. I'm finding my balance.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

An Anniversary of sorts...

I have been feeling "off" these past few weeks and I just couldn't put my finger on why or what would be causing it. Then a very wise and helpful friend helped me to acknowledge what was going on with me: I had an anniversary I was ignoring that didn't want to be ignored.

In early September, 2 years ago, Ben went into the hospital and I was told the outlook was grim of him ever coming out alive. The events that followed, the things that happened in the few months he was in the hospital have been not only traumatizing for me but also crippling as well.

After spending 2 1/2 painfully and lonely months in Arizona for treatment of rectal cancer at The Cancer Treatment Centers of America, our young and little family of three came home to recuperate. Within the month, Ben would go back three of four more times for surgeries and follow up appointments. Then we thought we were done...but we were wrong.

After attending a family birthday, Ben was feeling a lot of pain that he was attempting to push off as just another thing he would have to get through and over due to all the radiation and subsequent surgeries. I was a big pusher for the "getting over it" part. We were wrong, I was wrong.

Early the next day, the pain was too intense for Ben and he asked a friend to drive him to the ER. I thought it was going to be another possible overnight stay where he would come home the next day with multiple prescriptions for myriad pain pills. He wouldn't be coming home. Instead, I got a call in the evening that he would be transferred to another facility that could better treat what they feared was something extremely deadly: necrotizing fasciitis.

I have been ridiculed by some with regards to how I reacted to this situation, or even how I still react. Some believe I made too much of a big deal out of all of this or that I blew the situation way out of proportion. I write the next part of my story for myself, to help me get through this time of remembrance; for others that may have wanted to know; and for a way to hopefully put into perspective what really went on daily for me. You can be the judge and put yourself in my shoes and see how you would have handled this part. Maybe you would have handled it better than I did, have. Maybe you just might understand me a bit better after reading it. I can only hope.

The images that still haunt me are the first few weeks of Ben's stay at Mercy San Juan. After being administered into the hospital they saw it best to put him in the Critical Care Unit (CCU). For three weeks I would have to walk through the ICU and watch people going through the process of dying or seeing the aftermath, everyday. Then I would make it to the CCU where I had to don plastic clothes and gloves before being admitted in to see Ben. For two weeks I had to make "life pacts" with him because the pain was so extremely painful he wanted to die. After talking him into living for another 24 hours, Ben would pass out and the rest of my 4-hour stay was watching over him and his vitals, making sure he was comfortable and talking to the nurses and doctors on his behalf.

Before making my way out to the hospital I spent the day worrying about how Ben was doing and what I was going to do with our 6 month old. Not only was I having to raise him on my own now, but I had to think about how to keep it all together should the worst (for me at least) happen. I had to struggle to find people to look after Christopher while I would be away and being away from him was almost as bad as being away from Ben! Fortunately, I had some wonderful friends who had been there for us while in Arizona, come through once again but on a daily basis now, and help me in whatever way they could or I needed.

If having my own crazy thoughts run through my head on a nightly basis because my one and only was not sleeping next to me were not enough, the nightly doctor phone calls were. Every night while Ben was in the CCU his doctor would call after his daily surgeries to "debreed" the necro fasc from his body. These calls came anywhere from 1AM to 4AM and they were never good. I could always hear Ben screaming out in pain in the background as they transferred from gurney to bed. The pain meds would never abate his pain fully. The doctor rarely had good news for me. In those wee hours I would be told that the doctors didn't expect to make it another 24 hours only to be told later in the afternoon that things were "looking up". This happened daily.

To put into a little more perspective my thought processes, family and death are the two most important and scary things for me. You can tell me till you are blue in the face all about Heavenly Father's plan, but my greatest fears in life are losing my family and death. The one thing I have worked the hardest on (my family) was slipping through my fingers and it was all due to death. I could barely keep it together! I am not that close with my own extended family, in fact it is tearing apart as we speak. And I'm not as close to Ben's family as I would like to be, so to me losing Ben would be losing my family.

After enduring 6 months of watching my loved one go through excruciating and humiliating cancer treatments and battling my own postpartum depression (PPD) throughout, I was spent. Because of the hard times for Ben and myself, I did not receive the motherly tendencies one should when they become a new mother. In fact it took me the entire 6 months to be able to tell Christopher I loved him, and mean it. It was difficult to love someone who screamed and yelled when I wanted to but couldn't. It was even more difficult when I would feel an extreme amount of guilt asking my cancer-stricken husband to care for our little screamer when I could not. It was irrational thinking, so I blame PPD, but I blamed Christopher for not understanding. After Ben entered Mercy San Juan (MSJ), luckily the PPD lifted and I was faced with the reality that it was going to be Christopher and I from now on. I held him tight, told him I loved him, and for a while he became my rock, despite the late night crying sessions had by all.

There is oh-so-much-more to this story. All the little intricacies of daily routines and thoughts. All the outside conversations, some helpful, some not. The many thoughts of "what to do if's", that I could go on and on more so than I already have. And if you would like to know I will tell you. But be prepared. I have a lot to say, a lot of emotions, a lot of opinions, so much so, I think I could write a book! And this is my story, in short, of happened to me, Ben, and Christopher two years ago for 3 months. There is after story, but that's for another post. There's a bit of it already written in the "older posts" section and if you want to know more about that, just ask and I will tell you all you want to know...and then some.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Today at the Thrift Store: Cuz' I Am Bear-ly Breathin'...

Today at the Thrift Store: Cuz' I Am Bear-ly Breathin'...: "One of the first important things in a person's conscious life is their teddy bear, perhaps it is this love from earliset recolec..."

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Snow Angels and dog

 Yesterday we went to the snow. It was Christopher's first time and he was a bit nervous when he was first placed on the snow bank. After we showed him it was okay and that the snow wasn't going to hurt him, he starting having a lot of fun!

Christopher even made a snow
angel! It was adorable! He didn't really know what he was doing, just that it made all of us coo and awe over him doing it and that always makes him happy.

 Here's my attempt at a snow angel. Ben spared the world from seeing me in action and decided the after-effect was much nicer. I agree. :) I was kind of out of practice at making snow angels...

 Here's the snowman Ben made. We were all laughing afterwards. The eyes and buttons were made from pieces of asphalt! Yikes! The next picture is of Christopher trying not to touch the snowman. Just after this shot was done, the poor snowman had a tumble...sad...
And finally, here's the dog! Not our dog but a dog that was across the street in this fenced-off area (we had pulled off the highway because Christopher had thrown-up). The dog ran up to the fence and was jumping up and down to see people having so much fun. It escaped under the fence and came bounding for us. It was a completely harmless dog. He just wanted someone to play with and a baby (which he licked non-stop). We played with him a bit until he found something dead buried in the snow and rolled in it. By then it was time to go. So we led the dog back across the street and hoped it would find the person that brought him. He was a sweet dog and if we didn't already have a new dog, I would have brought him home. Oh well.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Loo Loo over Lucie (my dog)

Lucie is my funny little dog that is very much a part of our family now. We've had her for over a month now, but it feels like she's been with us forever.
I still can't believe I even have a dog. I mean, the last time I had a canine to call my own was almost 10 years ago!
By far, Lucie is the largest dog I've had. My first dog was a Low Rhodesian Ridge-back Labrador Retriever (try saying that three times fast). Then I had a Rottweiler-Basset that we used to say the father was the basset (true story). Now I have Lucie who is a Black Lab/Border Collie mix. A fine specimen of boisterous affection and incredible tolerance! I say tolerance, because Christopher simply loves to cuddle her in his own rough and tumble way. I don't have a picture of this special kind of love because it only lasts a few seconds. You have to be here in person to witness it in all its cuteness glory!
  And SPEAKING of cute! How could I post something describing someone who brings never-ending joy and suffering to my life without showing new pictures of him?!
 Here are a few photos of Christopher doing some of his favorite pastimes.


Showing off his tummy...(I don't know why he loves doing this so much, but it's cute)

And posing for the camera...
If the camera is out, he stands in front of you until you take his picture, then he wants to see the picture you just took to make sure you didn't just make the "clicking" noise to fool him. He also thinks/knows he is cute and wants immediate evidence that I got his good side. I'm in trouble!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

School is school...isn't it?

I am attending University of Phoenix and up until recently, I was feeling pretty good about my decision to attend this college. I was proud that even though I was/am going through some tough times, I was/am still willing to try and better myself and hopefully the future of my children. 

I completely understand that
the University of Phoenix is no Harvard,
but I always thought a higher education
is a higher education. It doesn't matter
where it comes from, or does it?
  I have been doing a bit of research on the stigma online colleges have gotten and I kind of understand it, to a degree. I mean, so what if the people that attend such schools don't exactly look the part of a fancy college student?! Shouldn't we be more proud and feel better about "those kinds of people" because they are trying to better themselves and in return bettering our community? At least the kinds of people others imagine those who attend online colleges, are not out there taking advantage of the system. Even if they are on some kind of government assistance, wouldn't their attempt to go to college show some effort of being off of assistance once they are done? That's what it means to me!
  Look, I know that some of my "classmates" have some incredible life stories, but they are trying to turn their lives around, trying to make it so they can possibly qualify for a chance at a better life. 
  My online schooling is equivalent to a "brick and mortar" school. The only differences, really, are the way the school is scheduled. I don't have a wild and crazy Spring break (I'm too busy in school). I don't have an awesome Summer vacation planned (I'm too busy in school). My courses are the same, they're just broken up a bit differently. And if I wanted to go crazy in Florida or have an awesome time in Disneyland, I can, because school can come with me anywhere I want it to!

Monday, April 4, 2011

*gush* versus BIG HEAD

I am at my 6th week in my second set of classes at school. I have a math class and an English class. Math is fine, but English is killing me (when I say killing me, I mean instead of having an A+ in the class I have a B+). I have been working hard to get my grade up to that glorious A and by doing so it has made my teacher notice my class activity more. I get more comments on my posts than anyone else in my English class and I have been getting a lot of positive feedback from my teacher. This is the reason for my gushing versus BIG HEAD issue. 
When the teacher says nice things about the topics I write about, it makes me gush. When I am further encouraged it gives me a BIG HEAD along with the gushing. It makes me feel smart (especially when the other students chime in with the teacher).
What's even more fun is that this is beginning to happen in my math class as well! Every time I see that the teacher has made a comment on my post I squeal like a little girl (on the inside...sometimes) and I feel all special and smart. 
Now, am I cool or just a dork...or both? You decide! :)

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Bruised Baby and the Nightstand

You may not be able to see in this photo, but the entire left side of my beautiful boy's face is black and blue. The other day, while jumping and cuddling (sometimes this is the same thing) on my bed, Christopher decided to go for broke and take a flying leap believing whole-heartily that I would catch him (even though I was facing a different direction entirely). Unfortunately I did not and he and his wonderfully cute little face met the corner of my big and bulky nightstand...and then the floor. This resulted in about an hour of fitful cries, lots of snuggles and comforting songs, ice packs, kisses and tissues.
After all of that, Christopher's face began to swell and he had cut his cheek. In the ensuing days, his face became darker in the affected areas and now look as if I beat my child. THEN came today where he thought it would be a good idea too see if he could "fake fall" off his step stool in the bathroom. He could not and landed on his head, which now has a huge lump on the front of it. Christopher has finally gotten used to having an icepack on his face and so laid calmly while having one on his head this morning.
 These are pictures of my new/old nightstand. We've had this in the garage for a while waiting for the right time to make it pretty and put in the house. After Christopher's fall, I wanted to downsize the clunky nightstand that is currently residing by my bedside, to something smaller and more manageable. We painted them a sort of "robin's egg blue" because that alongside a chocolate brown would be very nice. Those are the colors we eventually will be turning into our lovely retreat room (aka master bedroom).
The nightstand was originally peeling-paint white and was a junk-pile find. Now it is a lovely shade of a blue sort of color. Later we hope to find a complimentary piece for Ben's side of the bed. My other hope is maybe this one won't do as much damage to my precious little guy's face when next he decides to collide with it.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Hey Mr Postman...

I don't know why it is when I put a letter in the mail and it's been picked up by the postal worker (mine is 7 months pregnant) I have the urge to run inside and call the people I sent letters to and ask if they have received my letter. I know the lady just came and hasn't even made it to her mail truck! I blame the Internet. I am a full-blown instant-gratification follower and need to know or have everything right away. I just wrote a couple of letters and sent them out yesterday and the only one that might make it the person today is the one that went local. Other than that, my letters are going nearly out of the state and then in the middle of the next state. Oh well, I know I need to learn patience (always had a problem with that).
On a different note, if you're looking for a good chuckle, check out Ben's new blog.
We have a bit of fun hopping around the town's thrift stores looking for things that seem a bit outrageous.

Alright, I guess that's all for now. I hope you enjoy yourselves today! It's beautiful outside, go out and play!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

A Small Accomplishment...

This picture is not me, but it represents a small accomplishment for me. See, last night I started noticing something that I thought was slight, but now I see as something bigger. This morning I acknowledged to myself that I had lost not only weight, but inches. I noticed in a different way: my pajamas fit big now. The PJ's that I have been wearing without needing to be cinched up were starting to fall off my fluffy self and I thought, "This can't be right. Maybe they got stretched out." But upon further reflection and investigation, I found that I had lost enough fat around my waist to make a significant difference in the way I wear my clothes. I also happily discovered that I had lost a bit on my thighs as well. Sadly, my bum is still overtly large, but I give it time.
See, my weight loss program isn't a diet or a new way of living, it is simply taking notice of what and when I eat and being conscious of it. I am doing this whole thing at a slow pace so I can't get upset if I don't see immediate results (I started doing this around November). I'm not going to be one of the lucky few who can boast about losing a large amount of weight in just a few months, but I will be able to maintain better I believe.
My goal range is about the same as my schooling: about 5 years to my optimum weight. I'm not going to tell you how much I weigh or how much I want to lose. It's not that I am completely ashamed of myself, I'm sort of indifferent and I realize shame and guilt don't motivate me. I am just going to focus on my accomplishments, no matter how small, because that does motivate me and that's what really matters. 

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

I Never Could Get the Hang of...Tuesdays?

I don't know what it is, but for me, every Tuesday seems like a Saturday. Even today, when we had a family thing planned and had a very lovely Monday, did it not occur to me that today was Tuesday and not Saturday. I don't think that I long for Saturdays; for me, every day is the same with little variance. I think that every week will be different, that something has made me off by a few days but, nope, it's still the same. Usually, when I think Tuesday is Saturday, it means that my week is going to be a very long one. Oh, well. I guess I will continue to tick off the days in hopes of keeping track.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011


My picture here is not to promote Jim Carry's movie (although I thought it was kind of funny) but it was the only picture I could find that expresses exactly how I feel....
 After much tribulation (okay, not really) I received straight A's in both my classes! I have started my next round of boring set of classes that is already making me pull my hair out, but if I keep it all up I will again succeed at high grades. So, here we go with it all. Wish me luck! Your wishes did me so well this last time...

Sunday, February 27, 2011

FINALS...and a dog...

Our new dog, Lucie!
So! This week was jam-packed full of adventures...mainly self-imposed, but whatever!
  As you can see, we acquired a new dog. Her name is Lucie and she is wonderful! She comes when called, can be a lap dog or play fetch. She plays well with other dogs...all around she just has a wonderful disposition. I'm hoping to learn a few pointers from her. :P
  Also mentioned in my title are my finals. I missed 5 questions on each of my finals so I think that means I got a B on each. I don't test well, even if it's mediocre material. I get all stressed and can't think straight. Anyway, I think that makes my grades all B's (unless by some magical way I did the math wrong and I get A-'s). That would be GREAT! I'm sort of a perfectionist, but I'm trying not to be. I read somewhere that "perfectionism is the highest form of self-abuse". I really do believe that, but putting to actual use is fairly difficult for me.
  And speaking of math! That's one of my next classes along with Communications and Composition (pretty much and English class). I hope I do alright in these classes. I'm always nervous until I know what I'm up against.
Lucie in her kennel taking a nap in her sweater
  Well, here's one last picture of our dog, Lucie in a sweater that Ben really wanted her to have. I think it's cute and funny.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

"Who's the Cutest Kid at This Party..."

Here's Christopher playing with Carrie and Abby
Here's Christopher having cake with Daddy.

These are rice balls. Christopher loves rice and sushi!

This is the cake Ben made up of Christopher's favorite movie characters from the movie "Cars"

Here's another view of the cake

Some of the goodies from the party

Just one of the 4..that's right, 4...pizzas we had...Christopher also loves pizza!

He loves his juice...he also wanted me to take a picture of him :)

Even Gus decided to join in the fun...sort of..

This is Mack, Christopher's FAVORITE "Cars" character

Christopher wanting to pose for another picture...thilly guy!

Here's the birthday banner..and a family sign I made a while ago :)

Christopher enjoying his company

These are some of our neighbors and friends

Christopher's first sight of his cake...he was speechless..which is saying a lot!

trying to blow out the candles

finally blowing out candles...with Daddy's help :)

He couldn't wait to have all those toys..neither could the rest of the kids!

Christopher spent the rest of the night playing with his Cars


Playing Cars with Grandma

Eating some cake and ice cream...but mostly playing with Cars

This is our neighbor's son looking a bit Goth with his black lips and pale face :)


this is not his baby, but it does soften his image a bit to hold him :P

He just couldn't be bothered by cake...his is the one that hasn't been eaten

playing Cars with Daddy...aawww!