Friday, July 31, 2009

Arizona Update - and the results are in . . .

Last night I won at bingo twice, I didn't like any of the prizes so I took a piece of the decor, and they allowed me, the picture is kinda bad but I like it =)

I know no one came here to see what I won at cancer patient bingo, so with n further ado

Today I had my "final exam" before surgery...

I feel very guilty for being disappointed, I have basically been praying for this result since I found out I have rectal cancer;

My body reacted very well to the chemo/radiation. (I'm very glad to know that misery wasn't for nothing) The tumor has shrunken significantly and the surgeon will not need to remove any of my internal organs completely. (just most of one)

Although compared to losing half of my pelvic organs and having a permanent colostomy, being told most of my rectum will be removed, (as well as assorted lymph nodes and some surrounding fat/tissue) with the remainder being reconnected to my large intestine feels like being told that;

"Instead of receiving a gun shot to my face it'll just be to my hand." (really I do prefer that, but it's kinda hard to be excited about it)

That said I am very grateful to everyone for all of their prayers, I feel I wouldn't be doing as well as I am without all of your love and support, but, of course, I will still need them to get through surgery, recovery and the remaining high dose chemo.

I know I ask alot of others, but I hoped that I might importune a few of you to "join me" in a fast, as i myself will not be allowed to eat this Sunday, (as preparation for the surgery) that my surgery goes well, quickly and for a rapid recovery so that I might return home as soon as possible

thank you all,

I love you,


Monday, July 27, 2009

Hey there...

I realize that I come off more than a little strong when talking about or trying to deal with what's going on right now with our little family. I apologize. I'm not very good at expressing any other emotion...except I think I have "anger" down pat! I know everyone is going through their own struggles, trial(s), personal hells, what have you and I know we could all use more than a little support. Right now what Ben and I could use is a little note from you to say,"hi, I'm thinking of you and I care." Everything is overwhelming for us right now and we just need to hear from you in a loving way. If you tell us what you need, we could try to accommodate. We know that we have been lacking in the "helpful" department and are trying to rectify that the best way we can right now. I understand a note isn't going to pay the bills, get you a job or save the world, but it might brighten your day. I know it would brighten ours. We are just looking for some virtual hugs right now, but if you are local, we will gladly accept the real thing too!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Sorry for the confusion

I have been (unsuccessfully) trying to blog via cell phone. As most of you know, we are home now. Ben will be heading back down to Arizona on the 29th of July and has surgery scheduled for the 3rd of August. Christopher and I will be staying behind unless Ben gets bad news about what kind of surgery needs to be done. The doctors won't know what kind of surgery there will be due to the location of the tumor, so we are waiting with baited breath to hear what they plan to do. I won't be going down because it takes a toll on Christopher (and Gus kitty). It has been two weeks now and Christopher is still trying to get used to being home. Half of his life has been living in a hotel! I will do my best to keep you all informed when Ben does go down to The Center, but for now I have to spend as much time with him as possible...I'm a bit needy and HATE it when he goes away!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Ben is back in the hospital and i am back at home...alone...again

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Ben Update

So, sorry for the weird blog...I tried to update from my phone and it didn't translate very well. Anyway, we are home, but life is still strange and unreal. It seems that Ben, me and Christopher have changed but not our house or places around us. Ben says that we are not the same people and I'm starting to believe him.