Monday, October 7, 2013
To Be or Not To Be...
When someone has asked me, "How are things?" I would give them a laundry list of bad and unfortunate events that had made me quite an unpleasant person.
See, I have forgotten how to be happy.
Strangely enough, I only had this revelation recently. And it's sad really because I have wasted A LOT of time being hurt, embarrassed, scared, and jealous. Oh, I'm not quite cured yet, but I'm getting there.
It has been very difficult to say things aren't that bad. I'm totally stressed out about our move and everything that goes along with such an event, but really it's not that big of a deal. I know I can handle it because I've been through much worse.
So, why is it so hard for me to give a good report of my doings? Why do I have to act like such a Drama Queen? I could throw out those four letters (PTSD) and have that excuse away everything I do and say. I will lay some blame on that because it is a reality right now, but I feel that can pass. No, I have chosen much of what I feel. You may disagree, but I know myself. It is a whole lot easier for me to be angry...it's safer somehow. That way I can believe I'm not showing what I truly feel, which is usually hurt or embarrassed.
But I'm stopping...slowly, but surely, I am stopping my bad attitude. Just like anything I have and will have slip-ups, but I will forgive myself and move on. I can't say I won't have any more drama but I can say I won't let it rule my life.
I do have a confession to make: I AM a Drama Queen! It's just who I am. I choose to express my feelings...ALL my feelings. Instead of holding them inside and letting no one know. But I am learning to tone it down a bit. But I'm not going to change who I am. I have had a lot of things mold me into the person I am today and I can't keep quiet about them, and maybe I'm not supposed to. Maybe I have a story to tell that might touch just one person in the right way.
So maybe being a Drama Queen isn't so bad. I just have to sprinkle some normalcy in now and again!
Posted by Unknown at 10:43 PM