Sunday, February 9, 2014

To Be Found Peculiar Among the Peculiar People: A convert's story part 5

Before the age of 22, I could tell you the amount of times I cried on one hand. After 22: too numerous to count! It seems that ever since I have been baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I can cry at just about anything. To sound all cool and churchy I could say it's because of the gift of the Holy Ghost and that my heart is now broken and being put together and pricked in the way Heavenly Father needs it to be.

This is also where I would tell you I know I'm a nothing, a nobody, but again the Spirit corrects me and tells me I am of royalty. No, I'm not Cleopatra reincarnated, but that I am a daughter of God! And by being a daughter of God He has given me special gifts. We are all this cool because He gives all of us gifts. And like the scripture on the parable of the talents (Matthew 25:14-30) I must share them to increase those talents or gifts. When I share any talent I often feel very exposed. I feel as if I make one false note or step or do any part of it wrong, I am being judged harshly. I was treated thus by some people throughout the years and it always makes me second guess myself and my talents.

Often I feel overwhelmed by the Spirit because these gifts are so sacred to me (again with my sacred, not secret stuff). One sure-fire way to get me all choked up is to have me sing. It almost doesn't matter what song it is, if it has meaning or messages I cry. I also cry when talking about my hardships and trials because believe it or not, those are also sacred to me.

Today in church I sang "The Olive Tree" with a couple of awesome friends. When singing in a group I don't choke as often but when it comes to a solo...all bets are off. If any of you have ever heard me "sing" in church before you can guess what happened this time. Luckily it was at the very end and just a tiny part, but I just could not hold back those darn tears!

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